Family Pictures - Yay!

Kelli posted some family pictures from our photo shoot. Head over to her blog to check them out - she is so talented.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

I don't know what Will's deal has been, but since living with my parent's his sleeping habits have gone to the dumps. He used to sleep through the night, wake up at 6:30 for a bottle & then sleep until 7:30-8:00.  Now, he's been waking up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning & then again at 5:45 & then 6:45.  Scott & I finally had enough & started having him cry-it-out.  So Will woke up at 4:00 & cried for 40 minutes & then at 5:40 to cry for another 30 minutes.  He was officially awake for the day at 6:50.  It's no wonder that I'm going crazy while Scott's in school all day - we're not getting much sleep around here. Will has been so cranky - whining a lot & clinging to me like none other. I assumed he was teething (which he might be), but I really think he's just not sleeping well enough.

When he wakes up early, I try putting him in bed with me, hoping that he'll fall asleep again (I haven't had any success with this). By today, I was too tired, so every time he tried crawling around the bed (or all over me), I made him lay back down again.  Soon enough, I was pinning him with my arm so he couldn't get up.  I then started rubbing his back & singing to him (singing is not easy to do when you've just woken up).  He calmed down & within 30 minutes, he was finally asleep again.  To my amazement, he slept until 8:45 (when the phone rang & woke him up).

Sound sleeper

Nice & relaxed

Happy after a nice sleep, finally

He was sleeping so peacefully in the comfy bed that I think he must be uncomfortable on the 'mattress' in the pack-n-play. He's already been so much happier since sleeping in (not to mention I have too).

Charlotte Wood Quilt Show

Yesterday, I went to the Charlotte Wood Quilt Show in Danville.  I'd never been to a quilt show before & honestly had never cared to go to one before my newfound quilting obsession.  Some of the quilts were incredible.  I was so sad that my camera kept flashing to change my battery pack, otherwise I would have taken more time to capture some of the amazing detail.

These quilts were some of my favorites:

I love these quilts just the way they are, but I also wonder what they would look like if they were done in some more funky, modern fabrics.

This quilt was so interesting & had a lot of detail.  There were so many squares in it to make up the background, & I especially loved the flowers at the top.  They were all sewn onto the front of the quilt with beautiful stitching around the petals.

I dragged Scott along with me (actually, I told him that we didn't have to go, but he insisted b/c he knew it would mean a lot to me - what a great guy, not many guys would stand to walk around looking at quilts for an hour just to make me happy).

I thought this quilt was my favorite until I turned the corner & saw the next one (but by then, I was lucky to be getting any pictures before my camera turned off, which is why I didn't make Scott take my picture with the next quilt).

My favorite one: The featured designer at the show was Sandy Klop (who Scott & I spent quite a bit of time talking to). She designs vintage fabrics & quilt patterns, & this one was my absolute favorite of hers (& the entire show).  This reminds me of a quilt that my great-grandmother Hazel made (that my mom now has hanging in her home).  I also love quilts with white - it's so fresh.  I think I might attempt a quilt like this one day - if I can get past the fact that I would have to cut out a lot of little pieces for it.

Smile & Be Happy

Today marks 16 years since Sarah died. When I got back to my parent's house from running errands, I pulled into the driveway & had a flashback of sitting in Sarah's room with my best friends, Caitlin & Dani, & seeing their mom's, Kathy & Bev, hugging & crying in the driveway.  I was so scared - I didn't know what was going on, & never could have guessed how horrible the news would be. 

None of my family was home when Glen MacDonald pulled me aside to tell me that there had been a car accident & that my sister was dead. I remember running down the hall to my room yelling 'No' over & over, throwing myself on the bed & just sobbing.  Caitlin followed me & sat there stroking strands of my hair to comfort me - she may have been saying "It's okay," or perhaps she was just silent, all I know is that I was crying & praying. I know there were others there too - I think Kathy was holding me in her arms & Dani may have been stroking my hair too.  It's difficult to remember exactly what happened, but the things I remember vividly are the feelings of disbelief, unimaginable pain, & the desperate yearning for life to go back to the way it was supposed to be.

Now, years later, I am still sad & confused.  I'm sad because I miss a friend & sister who I honestly feel like I don't know. I wonder what our relationship would be like and if we'd have children the same age. I'm sad for the forgotten memories of my time with her & also for the memories we won't be able to continue making in this life.

Although Sarah dying has been such a difficult experience in my life, my faith in eternal families, temple work, the Atonement, & the Plan of Salvation is so strong. I know that she lives on - I remember when I was young, someone asked me where Sarah was, & I responded that she was in Paradise.  It sounds so hokey now, but it's the truth. She is my gaurdian angel - I know this because I've felt her near me, not often, but at times when I most needed her. I like to think of her looking after my unborn children for me, those that are waiting to be born & possibly the one I lost in my miscarriage (or was that child even enough of a child to now be waiting for me with my sister?)

Caitlin commented in a recent post of mine: "The faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." ~ elder joseph b. worthlin

This brings me so much comfort & peace.  Through the atonement of Christ, we will be reunited with those we love.  "Know ye that ye must [. . .] believe in Jesus Christ, that he is the Son of God, and that he was slain by the Jews, and by the power of the Father he hath risen again, whereby he hath gained the victory over the grave; and also in him is the sting of death swallowed up." ~ Mormon 7:5  I know I will see my sister again.  Life does not end when we are buried in the earth.  It continues on because of Christ's love & sacrifice for us - God's purposes continue on, even when we feel as though the earth has come to an end. This brings me so much hope.  I love my sister. I love my Savior. Life is short, so we must live it fully.  Life is unpredictable & can change in the blink of an eye, so don't live with regrets.  Be faithful to the commandments of God, pray continually, don't give in to your fears, be happy - not just happy, but full of joy.

I remember things that Sarah taught me - dance with all your heart, love others & be kind to them always, don't skip to the end of the book to find out how it ends, laugh at yourself, don't worry about what others think of you, always do what's right, trust in the Savior, & lastly - smile & be happy - & I am.

Top row: Rich, Susan, Sarah
Bottom row: me, Steven, Brad

Sarah

Which One?

I'm trying to figure out which pattern to follow for my next quilt - which one do you like the best?

Here are the fabrics I will be using (if that possibly helps you visualize).

If I do this one, I'll make the squares/diamonds in between each octagon white, so that the octagons & fabrics pop out more.

I love this quilt, but it would require two pieces to make up each hexagon instead of one like in the quilt above. The only reason this would even matter is because my fabrics have larger scale prints on them & they might get cut up too much in this pattern.

I love the way that white looks in quilts.  I imagine I will have enough scraps left over from the hexagon/octagon quilt to make one like this after.

So really, what do you think? Which one catches your eye? - b/c I can't make a decision.

Forgotten Video & Stuck on a Box

Here's a video I found of William when he was a few weeks old. It's amazing how much he's changed in just under a year. (Just ignore Scott's tooting comment.)

I took this video today, so my family can see a current one of Will (they've been asking me to post a video for a while). I love listening to him talk - (my 7-year-old nephew - Zach, on the other hand, claims to speak baby talk & informed me that Will's not saying anything. I beg to differ - it sounds to me like he's trying to repeat the word 'box').

I'm a Little Freaked Out - Makeover

Yesterday, I had an appointment for a haircut.  I had been toying around with the idea of getting bangs for a while & thought I'd start slowly by getting side-swept bangs that hit at the cheekbones. I showed my stylist (Is that what they're called?) some pictures of hairstyles I liked - she thought it was a great idea to try bangs since I'm growing my hair out & it would make it more interesting.  She then told me I have the perfect face for blunt bangs if I wanted to try those.  I was kind of surprised by that because I thought I would look ridiculous with them - I'm not a bold enough person to pull something like that off.  However, she had blunt bangs & they looked so cute on her.  I finally told her to go ahead & do what she thought would look good on me - I was willing to try anything (hair grows back, right? - even though I swear mine grows back at 1/4 of the speed as the average person). So here I am. With bangs. Blunt ones. I'm a little freaked out.

On a completely different note: I made Amy Butler's Birdie Sling a few months ago, & although I love the style of the bag (the pockets in it fit diapers & wipes perfectly), I'm not crazy about the color.  Sure the fabrics look cute together, but I've never been much of an aqua type of girl (I love the color, I just don't wear it often).  So I decided to make a new bag in more neutral colors - one of my favorite color combinations, black & white. I was so excited when I came across this houndstooth & stripe - now I just need to find a fabric for the lining (I'm contemplating something yellow?).

So Much To Play With

My mom keeps the house stocked with goodies for William to play with.  He loves the Jack in the Box, & since he can't figure out how to push Jack back into the box, he points his finger & "orders" him to go back inside.  Sadly for Will, Jack just doesn't know how to listen.

The keys kept Will's interest for a short amount of time - he was quickly diverted when he discovered a ball - his absolute favorite toy (it must be, since he constantly rolls them around the house until exhausted. He literally lays out on the floor, takes a few panting breaths, & then continues the chase.  He's even started crying before because he was so tired from chasing the ball, but he just couldn't stop following it around. He loves them that much. Plus it was his first official word - mama doesn't count since he didn't know what it meant - it was just a bunch of jibberish.)

Loving the balls . . . again.  I love it when the balls roll under the sofa, not because I then have to climb down & very uncomfortably salvage them from the abyss that is the under side of the sofa, but because I love when he crouches down & peeks with me, trying to figure out where they disappeared to.  He has now learned to always check under anything for goodies that may be hiding.

Divine Purposes

It is easy to get discouraged in life, especially when trials come.  It is easy to ask, "why" & to give in to despair.  However, it is also easy to put our faith in the Savior.  Believe His promises to us.  These two scriptures have always been a strength to me:

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." - Ether 12:4 

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." - Matthew 11:28-30

When I was reading The Miracle of Forgiveness, something that President Kimball said stuck out to me: "Always the road is marked by divine purpose." In other words, all things happen for a reason.

When my sister died, I was blessed with having the faith of a child.  I was nine-years-old, & although I struggled & missed my sister more than words can say, I put my faith & trust in the Savior & the promise that families truly can be together forever.  There have been many times when I felt confused & begged to know why Sarah was taken from us.  People said that God must have needed her more in heaven.  I tried to wrap my mind around that, but then I would get angry & be full of grief. How was it possible for God to need her more than I did?  He was God & could bear anything, whereas I was just human & needed my sister.  But then again, perhaps others were right - perhaps there was a reason why Sarah was taken to the other side of the veil when she was.  All things happen according to God's plan.  I was comforted by the promise that God is aware of us &, if living righteously, would not take anyone from this life until it was their time.

I wonder if I hadn't been young when Sarah died & had the childlike faith to cope with the grief & pain, if I would have had the faith & strength necessary to deal with my miscarriage & years of infertility later on. Knowing of the Plan of Salvation, truly having a testimony that was built on personal experience in younger years, prepared me to rise above the grief of being a childless mother later.

I have an unyielding faith in my Savior & His divine guidance in our lives.  He is in the details, & if we let Him, He will bring peace to our souls.  We can be strengthened in Him.  We can hope & have joy in Him & His divine purpose for us.

Infinite Power of Hope

I came across this video on nienie's blog, & it is so amazing.

Gross

So William had another 1st today.  I was organizing my bedroom a few hours ago while Will was just playing with his toys.  All of a sudden, I notice a splashing sound.  I look in the bathroom, & Will is splashing in the toilet! (What? I am OCD about putting the toilet cover down.  How did I forget?) I quickly grabbed him & washed his hands while telling him 'no, yucky' over & over again.  I put him down & continued to go about my business when I look over, & he's lifting the seat cover on his own! My little fish is determined to find water anywhere, even if that means in the toilet. How the heck did he learn how to do that? I don't know what I'm going to do with this little guy.  He's awesome, & I love letting experience new things, but I definitely draw the line at letting him play in the toilet water :)

Will Smith makes me want to dance

Okay, since being married, I've only been to one dance - & it really wasn't the greatest success (can you truly count it that way if it was only you & your husband on the dance floor? - seriously, we were the only ones out there).  I was trying to make Will happy yesterday, so I started dancing with/for him to Will Smith.  I forgot how catchy his songs are. It was so much fun breaking out the running man & roger rabbit, so my little guy could witness the classics :).  We both laughed together, & he's finally starting to bounce along with music (I swear I've been trying to teach him rhythm since the womb - that's important in my family). It felt so good when the choreography bug started coming back to me.  I haven't choreographed anything since high school, & nothing feels better than getting those creative juices flowing again.  I know I sound like a total dork right now, but I don't care.  I'm having fun pretending I have the same dancing skills I used to.  No shame! So, who wants to learn a dance & get a good workout in?  I'm desparate to dance again. If no one's interested, I'll try not to be offended ;) I'll just tell myself it's because no one checks my blog anymore now that I've changed addresses.  Everyone have a great day, & do me a favor - put a little Will Smith in & 'get jiggy wit it' - okay, it's official - I'm a total & complete dork.

11-Months-Old

William is 11-months-old today. 

He has 6 teeth, & I believe he is getting some more in (or at least I assume that's why he's biting everything & drooling like none other). He loves to sing along to Popcorn Popping, Itsy Bitsy Spider, & Old MacDonald - it doesn't matter what song I'm singing, he starts opening & closing his fists (like popcorn popping) & chanting/grunting in rhythm with the song.

He crawls all over the place (hence the scratched up knees).  He pulls himself up to standing & walks along the furniture.  He still loves taking his baths, but now he plays with the bath toys instead of just soaking everything around him with his splashing.

He loves to cuddle, drink from his bottle, eat whatever mama & daddy are eating, spin in circles on his bum, stare at the TV (I swear it's not on very often), & chase balls - you can't forget the chasing balls part. He is constantly climbing up the stairs while I chase after him - this, of course, only makes him want to climb stairs even more b/c my chasing him has apparently turned into a very funny game. He makes animal sounds, 'reads' books, spits his food out, tries to climb on the dishwasher door while I'm loading it, stares at the laundry spinning in the washer & dryer, 'helps' me cook (holding him while cooking so he won't cry), laughs whenever Scott & I laugh like he's in on the joke too . . . We are so blessed to have such a sweet & happy baby boy.

We love you William - thanks for coming into our lives.

Nothing Like a Good Melon

I've never cared for cantaloupe - it's always seemed mushy & lacking in flavor.  But for some reason, this season's melons are incredible, & I'm always wanting more cantaloupe.  I never buy it because I don't know how to pick it out, & I don't know how to cut it up (which might seem kind of ridiculous, but since I never eat melons, I've never needed to before).  Now that I'm at my parents house for the next few months, I've mastered the canteloupe (after carefully watching how my mom cuts it up).

Voila - my beautiful melon that I can't seem to get enough of.

William also loves eating it - he crawls  up behind me, grabs my jeans in his fists & shakily pulls himself up to standing.  He then whines or grunts until I give him a taste.

This particular cantaloupe must have been very good because he began happily spinning in circles on his bum after I put the bite in his mouth.

Yummy!

Banana Surprise Pancakes

I was flipping through some of my mom's cookbooks, & this recipe caught my eye. I can't wait to try it. It's from San Francisco Encore.

1 c. cottage cheese
1 c. sour cream
2 1/2 T. honey
1/2 tsp. vanilla
dash of salt
4 eggs at room temperature
1 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
2 medium bananas, cut diagonally into 1/4-inch slices
flour

Blend the cottage cheese, sour cream, honey, vanilla, & salt in blender until smooth.  Add the eggs, one at a time.  Sift flour & baking powder together.  Slowly stir egg mixture into flour.  Don't overmix.
Lightly dust banana slices with flour. Spray griddle with Pam. Drop batter by tablespoons onto the griddle.  Top each with a banana slice.  Spoon more batter on top of each banana slice, to cover. Cook & flip. Cook until golden brown.
Serve with warmed maple syrup.

New Moon Trailer #3

When I was pregnant with William, I finally gave in to the pressure to read "Twilight."  I had avoided reading the series because there was so much hype over it.  I knew it must be overrated.  When I finally started reading it, I was hooked.  I read the first two books in a day each, & the third in just a few days (it would have been one day, but I was with Scott's family in Hawaii). I think part of the reason I liked the series so much was because I'd been 'stuck' in "Les Miserables" - although a wonderful story, it is a much slower book - & I finally had a fluff book to breeze through.  Plus, as stupid as it may sound, this series was a big part of my time being pregnant with my miracle baby. It also got me interested in my family history (the Native American part) which then led to me finding & being able to do the temple work for one of my Indian ancestors - Melinda. So although the series is quite cheesy, there are deeper reasons that I find it so special.

This is an Experiment

It is so easy while keeping a blog to worry about what others will think when they read your posts & whether or not you'll get any comments. Because of this, I tend to filter many of the things I would like to put on my blog, nervous that others won't find it interesting.  What I have reminded myself, however, is that this is for me - not for everyone else.  This is the only way I've ever been able to keep a journal.  I want to use this blog as a means of expressing my truest feelings, sharing recipes & projects I've done, sharing family memories, contemplating, setting goals, experimenting, sharing the mundane everyday things in life. This, if I can keep it up, is intended for my family - my children, anyone who might possibly find it interesting, but most especially for me - a way to one day look back on my life when I'm an old woman & see how I've lived, how I became the woman I will one day be.

Dog, Cousins, Rash, Rain, Quilt

My sweet baby 'Kissy Cheeks'

Will was cracking me up the other night.  To start, Will LOVES dogs.  He gets so excited whenever he sees them, & I think he thinks he's one of them. So, the other night, I kept asking him what the dog says & then "Ruff"-ing, so he'd know what to do.  He totally surprised me when he pointed at the dog (Toodles) & started barking at her.  He then got down on all fours & "ruff"-ed - a perfect 11-month-old impersenation. I can't believe how fast my baby's learning & growing up. He can also 'quack,' 'moo,' roar,' & 'baa.' He has also said his first word this week - "Ba" for 'ball.'

Playing w/ Grandma & Carter (one of Will's many cousins - they were born one week apart exactly)

Last night, my brother's family came over for dinner.  Will really liked that there was another little boy his age to 'play' with (if you can call trying to poke Wes's eyes out playing).

Say 'Cheese'

Will also got this weird rash on his back last night - any ideas what it could be from?  I'm nervous he's allergic to something I'm feeding him, but I don't know what it could be.

Last night, it started to rain - one of the first rains of the season.  It was so beautiful & it smelled glorious - there's nothing quite like the smell of freshly fallen rain. Will was also able to have his first experience playing in the rain.  He'd just barely finished getting ready for bed, but I couldn't resist letting him have his fun.

And this is what we woke up to this morning - isn't it beautiful?:

I also stayed up late last night and finished William's baby quilt.  I honestly never thought I'd finish this thing.  I started cutting out some of the fabrics when I was pregnant with Will, but set everything aside until one week ago.  After finishing my "Belle" quilt, I got a sudden desire to get this baby quilt done.  So here it is, & Will already loves playing Peek-a-boo with it.  Every time I tried laying it out to get a picture, he'd head straight for it, hence the series of pictures of him playing with my quilt . . . his quilt.

I finally just pinned it to the wall out of the babe's reach. I think this quilt may be my favorite one so far.