Thursday, February 14, 2008

Fear in Pregnancy

Besides my family, Scott's family, Sammie, Grandma, and Dani and Bev, I have now told Caitlin and Tiffani that I'm pregnant. I still have waves of discouragement and fear, but I am also hopeful. I pray that this is the real thing. I know I need to trust in the Lord. I feel that I do and that I have faith, but then why do I fear? I shouldn't fear anything because no matter what happens, I will be a better, stronger person. I guess I fear because I really want this baby - and the idea of having to endure another miscarriage is so painful. I love the child growing inside me, but am scared to grow too attached too soon incase it is taken away from me. I know I can't keep living in fear of the future, otherwise I will never feel peace. My dad taught me recently that I need to take what I'm given each and every day and make it my goal to find peace with it. My dad is so full of wisdom and peace. I look to him as an example of hope and optimism - he looks at handling a broken lightbulb as just something he needs to take care of that day. He compares the broken lightbulb from one day to having his broken kneecap today, and that he can handle it with optimism and look at it as a way to master his emotions, gain patience, and find peace no matter what he has to deal with. He is even so strong talking about losing my sister, Sarah, when she was 17-years-old (a little over 14 years ago). He has found peace with it, and uses that experience as a way to say you can't fear for the future. You need to find peace with everything you must go through. I hope, with my dad's encouraging words, that I can find more peace than fear in this pregnancy each and every day.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Two of my friends and I co-decided to start having a ladies Bunco Night once a month. There are 12 girls who will regularly come, with a different person hosting it each month (If you can't come one month, you find a sub to take your place). Tonight was the first month, and we had the party at Cherrie Mead's house (of course when I have something to blog about, I forget to take my camera). It was so fun getting to know a bunch of new people. Plus, there were prizes for the winner, the loser, and the person who got the most Buncos (I was trying to keep anyone from witnessing my extremely competitive side, so I tried really hard to act like I didn't care if I won - which is of course a lie. Who doesn't like winning? And besides, I've really had to tone down my competitveness after marrying Scott. He won't play games with me because I usually win - except for Yahtzee - the skill in that game is very limited, so he'll play that with me any time). Anyway, there's nothing like a fun game night to look forward to every month, and I can't wait for the next one!

Friday, February 8, 2008

New HCG Results

I am 5 weeks pregnant today! Monica from the infertility clinic called back with my HCG results. They went up from 571 to 1,127 in 48 hours. This is a really good sign, since they want the number to double every 48-72 hours. Scott and I are really hopeful, but are still nervous. I have my first appointment in 11 days, Tuesday, February 19. The nurse said that we may be able to hear the heart beat. Hopefully we do. I just continue to pray that all is well.

Baby's progress:
The heart should be beating on its own already . . .

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Positive Test Results!!!? An Account of my experience being pregnant thus far

I got my HCG test results back from Dr. Winters this morning. Monica, a nurse from the infertility clinic, called me to confirm that I am pregnant. Dr. Winters, however, wants me to take another blood pregnancy test tomorrow to see how the levels of HCG have changed since yesterday. If all is going well, the levels should be close to double the number they were for my first test. My HCG level was 571. Monica said this was normal, but I wonder if it might be considered high. I researched HCG a lot today, and one resource (webmd) said that between 4-5 weeks (gestational), the count should be 50-500. I will be 5 weeks along on Friday. I still may be close enough to five weeks, however, that 571 may truly be normal. 5-6 weeks, the level is supposed to be between 100-10,000. If my level of HCG is high, this could mean that I may be carrying multiples, it could be a molar pregnancy (a mass of stuff that's not really a baby), or the baby could have down syndrome. Looking at HCG levels is not very accurate though because they are different in every woman. I won't have a better idea of what's going on until I have an ultrasound. I hope and pray everything's normal (I'm okay if normal consists of multiples) and going well.