Thursday, February 14, 2008

Fear in Pregnancy

Besides my family, Scott's family, Sammie, Grandma, and Dani and Bev, I have now told Caitlin and Tiffani that I'm pregnant. I still have waves of discouragement and fear, but I am also hopeful. I pray that this is the real thing. I know I need to trust in the Lord. I feel that I do and that I have faith, but then why do I fear? I shouldn't fear anything because no matter what happens, I will be a better, stronger person. I guess I fear because I really want this baby - and the idea of having to endure another miscarriage is so painful. I love the child growing inside me, but am scared to grow too attached too soon incase it is taken away from me. I know I can't keep living in fear of the future, otherwise I will never feel peace. My dad taught me recently that I need to take what I'm given each and every day and make it my goal to find peace with it. My dad is so full of wisdom and peace. I look to him as an example of hope and optimism - he looks at handling a broken lightbulb as just something he needs to take care of that day. He compares the broken lightbulb from one day to having his broken kneecap today, and that he can handle it with optimism and look at it as a way to master his emotions, gain patience, and find peace no matter what he has to deal with. He is even so strong talking about losing my sister, Sarah, when she was 17-years-old (a little over 14 years ago). He has found peace with it, and uses that experience as a way to say you can't fear for the future. You need to find peace with everything you must go through. I hope, with my dad's encouraging words, that I can find more peace than fear in this pregnancy each and every day.

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