Ramblings of an Emotional Moron

Disclaimer: I just need to write this. It's not edited and might not make sense, but I don't care right now.

I am so hurt right now. I feel so sick and tired of all the hoops I have to jump through to even start fertility. I first had to do the horrible HSG test to make sure I'm "all clear" in the tubes, I then had to do tons of blood work, Scott had to do his test, and then I finally got to visit my fertility doctor. From there, she told me that my Rubella immunization wore off from when I was little, so I had to get a Rubella vaccine before I could start Clomid, meaning I couldn't try getting pregnant for at least 30 days after the vaccine. Now I just found out (when I'm so close to getting to start Clomid) that I tested positive in a PPD (TB skin test). I went and got a chest x-ray to make sure I don't have active TB. Thankfully, that came back negative (I don't have TB, I'm not contagious, but I've been exposed to it). My doctor, however, wants me to take an antibiotic (Isoniazid, or INH) as a preventative of my latent TB becoming active (I've read that about 5% of people with a positive PPD get active TB in 2 years). The problem is, I don't know when I was exposed to TB. I know I was for sure in contact with it about 2 or 3 years ago when a little girl at church had TB, but Scott hasn't tested positive in his PPD even though he was around her just as much as I was. So perhaps that's not when I was exposed. If I was exposed then, then I'm probably not going to get active TB, but if I was exposed more recently, it's possible that I may. There's no way of knowing when I was exposed. The problem with all of this is that INH is a Category C drug for pregnancy, meaning I shouldn't take it at the same time that I'm pregnant, or trying to conceive. Not only is it a Cat. C drug, but I have to take it for 9 months, so I have to put off having a baby that much longer. This just sucks so bad because we've been trying for over 2 years, and we were going to start Clomid in a few weeks. I had my hopes up so high, and now I have to deal with this. Do I put off the antibiotic until later, or do I postpone trying to get pregnant for another 9 months? This time in my life has been so wonderful, but at the same time, I don't think I've ever had to go through anything more difficult than these problems from the last 2 years - miscarriage, infertility since then, and in the last month - getting a Rubella vaccine, having to wait 30 more days to start Clomid, testing positive for PPD, maybe having to wait 9 months more to start Clomid. I don't know what to do. My primary care doctor wants me to start the antibiotic now, but my fertility doctor wants me to put off the antibiotic (since it's not active TB), so I can start Clomid. I don't know what to do. Help me! Help me get through this. I want to feel peace and comfort. I want to know what's best for my health, but I also want a child. I feel like I've been waiting for so long. Everyone keeps saying, you're still young. You can wait a little longer. Things will happen when they're supposed to. I know I can wait, and I know I'm still young, I know things work out for the best, but that doesn't make it easier, and sometimes I think sucky things just happen without Heavenly Father trying to test us. This is such an emotional roller coaster. It is so difficult wanting something that is so good and in line with the commandments of God, but not being able to have it yet. I feel I am patient, and I try to have faith, but sometimes it is so draining. I need to think of others at this time and forget about myself. That will take my focus off of the problem a little bit more, and then I will be able to be happy with my life as it is and have a hope for the future. Clomid or INH? Which one do I choose? It doesn't seem likely that I'll get TB, but if I do when I am pregnant, it can cause severe deformities in the baby and can be life threatening to me. But if I was exposed two or three years ago, then I'm already past the point of getting active TB, and I'll be putting off having a baby when there's really no need to. I'm getting such mixed messages from my doctors right now that I just don't know what to do.