The Dramas of Infertility

I thought that after being 20 weeks pregnant, it was about time I posted some of the drama we had with this pregnancy, so I can have a record of it.

As you know, it took us a miscarriage, followed by a few years of infertility before Scott & I were finally able to get pregnant with Will - Clomid was our miracle drug. This second go around, I kept putting off fertility treatment b/c I thought my body had regulated, & I would be able to get pregnant without the aid of medication. After eight, often frustrating months, I'd had enough! I decided I was ready to start jumping through all the infertility hoops again, hoping we would find greater success with that than we were on our own. I did the bloodwork, had to do the horrible HSG (the main reason I was putting off fertility treatments), & then waited for the next step - hopefully Clomid.

About six weeks after my HSG, I got a call from the Fertility Clinic to set up an appointment with the Nurse Practitioner for an ultrasound & to figure out my options. I went to the appointment with Will in tow & was so relieved to finallly get to the part where they would give me my Clomid perscription. Well, it wasn't so easy. There were some complications with the NP telling me she wasn't giving me the medicine, & I would have to come back on day 5 of my period, which would end up putting me back in there in another week. I was extra stressed b/c if I was going to have the chance of starting Clomid that month, I'd have to start it on day 5, & this NP was possibly not going to allow it. She said my lining was really thick, & she wanted to make sure it shed enough before giving me the medicine.

After the initial appointment, I met the NP in her office to discuss things some more, & I just started bawling. I was so frustrated with having already waited so long to be pregnant, & they were having me jump through more hoops! I blabbered to her & told her how ridiculous the whole situation was since I already knew Clomid worked for me. The whole time, Will just stared at me like I was crazy, which I guess I was. The woman kept a serious, unemotional face, which aggravated me even more! Was she a robot with absolutely no feelings?!!! Finally, she told me that I had signs of pre-uteran cancer & they may have to do an endometrial biopsy. They weren't going to give me the medication I needed to get pregnant until they felt I was "safe." What?!!! Talk about a slap in the face! I started crying even more, & the whole time the nurse was talking to me, I kept feeling like she was on some power trip & just trying to scare me b/c I was crying & complaining about all the hoops they were making me jump through when other insurances didn't do that. I left a complete emotional wreck & didn't recover for the rest of the day. Poor Will was plopped in front of the TV with movie after movie playing while I researched pre-uteran cancer & felt like my possibilities of having another child had come to an end. Let me tell you, I never realized how terrifying the word "cancer" was until it was applied to me.

Scott happened to be doing OB/GYN rotations at this same time & talked to the PA there, who said my NP was full of it - I didn't even begin to fit the criteria for someone with pre-uteran cancer. This gave me a little comfort, but I still couldn't pull my head out for the rest of the day. The whole week was horrible, actually. Scott was so upset with how my NP handled things that he told me to drive up to where he was working his OB rotations, & they would write me the Clomid prescription. The night before going, Scott made me take a pregnancy test just in case. I fought it b/c every time I'd taken one, it was always negative, & I thought it would be a waste of money & just make me upset again. Well, I took the test, & it showed positive right away! It turns out I was pregnant (why the clinic didn't have me take a pregnancy test before coming in is a mystery to me). I was absolutely shocked & ecstatic! I had miraculousy gotten pregnant without the medication & was already 6 weeks along, which would have made me 5 weeks pregnant when I went into the fertility clinic, hence the thick lining! I wanted to march into the NP's office, show her the pee-stick & then punch her in the face for scaring me so bad.

It's taken me a long time to realize that I really am pregnant, even though I'm now halfway through. It was such a shock that I didn't need the Clomid that I still don't feel like it's real. I'm just so grateful that things have turned out so far & am reminded that the Lord's hand is in our lives & things happen in his time, not ours. The outcome of this whole ordeal is truly a miracle!