Fear in Pregnancy

Besides my family, Scott's family, Sammie, Grandma, and Dani and Bev, I have now told Caitlin and Tiffani that I'm pregnant. I still have waves of discouragement and fear, but I am also hopeful. I pray that this is the real thing. I know I need to trust in the Lord. I feel that I do and that I have faith, but then why do I fear? I shouldn't fear anything because no matter what happens, I will be a better, stronger person. I guess I fear because I really want this baby - and the idea of having to endure another miscarriage is so painful. I love the child growing inside me, but am scared to grow too attached too soon incase it is taken away from me. I know I can't keep living in fear of the future, otherwise I will never feel peace. My dad taught me recently that I need to take what I'm given each and every day and make it my goal to find peace with it. My dad is so full of wisdom and peace. I look to him as an example of hope and optimism - he looks at handling a broken lightbulb as just something he needs to take care of that day. He compares the broken lightbulb from one day to having his broken kneecap today, and that he can handle it with optimism and look at it as a way to master his emotions, gain patience, and find peace no matter what he has to deal with. He is even so strong talking about losing my sister, Sarah, when she was 17-years-old (a little over 14 years ago). He has found peace with it, and uses that experience as a way to say you can't fear for the future. You need to find peace with everything you must go through. I hope, with my dad's encouraging words, that I can find more peace than fear in this pregnancy each and every day.

Bunco!

Two of my friends and I co-decided to start having a ladies Bunco Night once a month. There are 12 girls who will regularly come, with a different person hosting it each month (If you can't come one month, you find a sub to take your place). Tonight was the first month, and we had the party at Cherrie Mead's house (of course when I have something to blog about, I forget to take my camera). It was so fun getting to know a bunch of new people. Plus, there were prizes for the winner, the loser, and the person who got the most Buncos (I was trying to keep anyone from witnessing my extremely competitive side, so I tried really hard to act like I didn't care if I won - which is of course a lie. Who doesn't like winning? And besides, I've really had to tone down my competitveness after marrying Scott. He won't play games with me because I usually win - except for Yahtzee - the skill in that game is very limited, so he'll play that with me any time). Anyway, there's nothing like a fun game night to look forward to every month, and I can't wait for the next one!

New HCG Results

I am 5 weeks pregnant today! Monica from the infertility clinic called back with my HCG results. They went up from 571 to 1,127 in 48 hours. This is a really good sign, since they want the number to double every 48-72 hours. Scott and I are really hopeful, but are still nervous. I have my first appointment in 11 days, Tuesday, February 19. The nurse said that we may be able to hear the heart beat. Hopefully we do. I just continue to pray that all is well.

Baby's progress:
The heart should be beating on its own already . . .

Positive Test Results!!!? An Account of my experience being pregnant thus far

I got my HCG test results back from Dr. Winters this morning. Monica, a nurse from the infertility clinic, called me to confirm that I am pregnant. Dr. Winters, however, wants me to take another blood pregnancy test tomorrow to see how the levels of HCG have changed since yesterday. If all is going well, the levels should be close to double the number they were for my first test. My HCG level was 571. Monica said this was normal, but I wonder if it might be considered high. I researched HCG a lot today, and one resource (webmd) said that between 4-5 weeks (gestational), the count should be 50-500. I will be 5 weeks along on Friday. I still may be close enough to five weeks, however, that 571 may truly be normal. 5-6 weeks, the level is supposed to be between 100-10,000. If my level of HCG is high, this could mean that I may be carrying multiples, it could be a molar pregnancy (a mass of stuff that's not really a baby), or the baby could have down syndrome. Looking at HCG levels is not very accurate though because they are different in every woman. I won't have a better idea of what's going on until I have an ultrasound. I hope and pray everything's normal (I'm okay if normal consists of multiples) and going well.

Goodbye Grandpa

This morning, my mom called me with the news that my grandfather had died. Over the last few years, I have expected to hear this news, or at least tried to prepare myself for when it happened. Even though it was hard for him to get around, and his mind wasn't always clear, he still seemed very healthy, so it was still a shock to me when I found out that he was gone, even with him being 94 years old.

Pictures from my wedding.

My grandpa was such a sweet man. He always called me "Elizabeth" (with the emphasis on "beth"), thinking that it made me happy to hear it pronounced that way. Apparently when I was a little girl I used to laugh when he said it this way.

He loved nature. He loved to look at trees and the different bark and leaves on all of them. He also loved birds. He had many bird feeders around his home in Castro Valley (before moving in with my parents). He had bird books and loved listening to the different songs they sang.

He did oil paintings, probably believing quantity (he painted many of them) was better than quality (although many of them were quite good).

Whenever he shuffled down the hallway on his walker, he would always glance in the family room, and if anyone was in there, he would stop for a while with a slightly goofy and loving grin on his face.

He loved children. Even though he never had children of his own, he still treated Grandma's five children like his own, as well as all of their children and grandchildren. As I've mentioned before, he loved children so much, that many times recently, he still asked grandma if they could have a baby.

Even though I will miss my grandfather very much, I know he is so happy to be with his first love, Margarite. He now has a clear mind and can walk freely again. I love you grandpa, and thank you for loving me.

The Sunfish

This is a picture of the HUGE sunfish at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I couldn't get a picture of it with my camera, so I didn't get to show how crazy looking it actually was in my last post. When it swam towards you from the back of the dark tank, it looked like a huge mass or a whale. Then when it turned sideways, it had no tail. It just looked like a big square blob - and a scary one at that.

Monterey and a Joint Baby Shower

I was so excited to have some fun things to blog about from last week, but the unexpected news of my grandfather dying delayed my entries. So . . . after attending Grandpa Karl's funeral on Saturday and spending the bulk of the week with family (I got to see my sister, Susan, and her little boy, Sam, which was really exciting), I can now settle back down in my normal life.

My parents' turn for the Monterey Beach House came up on Thursday, January 24. They were not able to go because my dad broke his kneecap earlier in the month. My brothers and their families couldn't go either, so Scott and I decided we would go and invite some friends to come with us. So Thursday night, the Morgans and the Perrymans took off for Monterey.

Our first morning there, we woke up and went to First Awakenings where Andrew and Tiffani discovered that indeed it was not a church, but a restaurant with really good breakfast foods.

We spent the day walking on the beach, playing a little Jenga, watching "Edward Scissorhands," and meeting up with Hilary, Brian, and Brennen Wiest (they used to live up here, but moved for Brian's assignment in the CHP).

Tiffani, Hilary, me

Carson is always smiling. He is so happy, even when it's sprinkling and cold outside, and he even had a cough.

The Wiests introduced us to a new restaurant in Monterey called Hula's. I was skeptical at first, thinking everything was going to be loaded with pineapple, but was really impressed with the food (I craved it for a week after). They had amazing sweet potato fries (which I had never had before and highly recommend), really good fish tacos, and I had really good cheeseburger with caramelized onions, bleu cheese, and lettuce and tomato. It may be my new favorite restaurant in Monterey. After dinner all of us went back to the beach house and talked and played Yahtzee.

Brian and Scott

Brennen eating sweet potato fries. Yummy. Our second and last day in Monterey, we went to the aquarium (thanks to Hilary getting us free tickets from the library). Scott plotted out our tour where we saw all kinds of beautiful and strange fish and other ocean life. The strangest fish was this huge square thing called a Sunfish. It was in swimming with the white shark, hammerhead sharks, and massive tuna.

Energizing for the aquariumThe sunfish. It's so weird looking! And it's HUGE!Andrew and CarsonTiffani and Carson checking out the hermit crabsScott making friends with a seagull

That night, we watched "What About Bob" and just relaxed. (We couldn't decide when "What About Bob" was made, and we couldn't find it on the DVD case, so I called my beautiful, wonderful sister, Susan, to have her look it up. It wasn't until the next day while driving home that I had forgotten that the day before was Susan's birthday. I'm such a dunce).

Anyway, we had a great time in Monterey and can't wait to go back again.

And tonight, our friends, Brad and Reiko Lamb, came up to visit. They stayed with the Ashby's who threw them a joint baby shower (they're having a baby girl name Caylee). Scott was at work, so I went by myself.

The ladies (Catherine, me, Tiffani, Reiko, Leslie, Amanda)The gents (Tommy, Brad, Ben, Josh, Andrew)Brad and ReikoJosh and Catherine (she's pregnant with a baby boy)Tiffani, Ben, and Andrew all performed karaoke